I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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