i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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