Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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