A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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