I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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