Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize