just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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