Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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