I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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