My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize