I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize