we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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