god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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