Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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