She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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