No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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