We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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