she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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