I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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