When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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