Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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