I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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