6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize