update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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