You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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