My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize