I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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