Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize