I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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