It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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