Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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