YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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