I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize