You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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