she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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