Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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