Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Come see our sink grown plant.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize