I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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