Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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