that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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