2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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