Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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