On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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