I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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