Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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