i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize