my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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