also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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