So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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