Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

My mind said no, but my drink said yes.

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(813): My mind said no, but my drink said yes. http://tfl.nu/mirc

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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(201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg

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(423): View more from Tennessee

If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

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(423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

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(617): Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/bxqj

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(214): View more from Texas

The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night

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(214): The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night http://tfl.nu/8pzt

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(859): View more from Kentucky

#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home

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(859): #1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home http://tfl.nu/wpbx

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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(630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt

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(916): View more from California

I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.

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(916): I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made. http://tfl.nu/41km

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(303): View more from Colorado

Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.

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(303): Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night? (1-303): Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts. http://tfl.nu/jufi

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(914): View more from New York

Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

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(914): Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game. http://tfl.nu/xx77

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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(336): Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning http://tfl.nu/no2z

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(716): View more from New York

Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?

(716): View more from New York

If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love

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(716): Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you? (716): If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love http://tfl.nu/boug

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(912): View more from Georgia

Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

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(912): Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time.... http://tfl.nu/fwcj

Replies (11) Good night (1889) Bad night (260)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

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(414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc

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(248): View more from Michigan

I immediately regret the tequila decision.

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(248): I immediately regret the tequila decision. http://tfl.nu/ptpj

Replies (4) Good night (390) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt

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